10 Etiquette Mistakes Parents of the Bride and Groom Regularly Make During Wedding Planning

Here’s how to steer clear of these blunders – plus, expert advice on fixing these mistakes if you do make them.

By Rachel Cascella, Brides Magazine

Originally published 6/26/24

There’s the wedding, and then there are the months – if not years – of planning and events leading up to it. As the parents of the bride and groom, your support during this phase, however long, is paramount, and that’s true whether that involves attending showers and fittings, giving advice, or contributing financially. Up until now, you have shared in every major milestone in your child’s life, from their first words to their graduation, so it’s only natural to want to help them get it right in the crucial months leading up to one of their biggest days of their adult life.

However, in the midst of so much joy, excitement and jitters, even the most well-intentioned parents can make etiquette mistakes that put a snag in the process. Below, etiquette experts Jacqueline Whitmore and Elaine Swann and event planner Dani Blasena reveal 10 common errors parents make over the course of the wedding planning process – and offer expert advice and tips on how to remedy them if you do experience a misstep.

1.      Oversharing on Social Media

It may seem obvious not to share crucial details about the wedding before the big day, but it’s surprisingly easy to make the mistake, especially on social media. “I’ve seen parents share on Facebook, ‘This is the one, my daughter found her dream dress,” says Swann (in fact, one bride-to-be recently went viral on TikTok after she realized her mom did just that). While getting excited is understandable, it is important to view the experience through the lens of the bride and groom above all else.

Swann says parents should ask themselves, “is this a memory for me or my child?” When in doubt, assume that sharing details on social media is off-limits or simply ask before posting. Remember that once the big day is behind you, you can share to your heart’s content.

2.      Over-Inviting Guests

“It’s only natural for parents on both sides to want to include extended friends and family in the celebrations, especially if they are generously contributing towards the cost of the wedding,” says Blasena. Adds Swann, “It is a milestone in parents’ life, too, and they may want to invite people who have watched the bride or groom grow up.” However, including additional guests increases the total number of attendees – not to mention the overall cost of the wedding – which may not be possible. Plus the couple has final say over the big-day guest list.

To sidestep any issues before they arise, Blasena recommends taking the maximum number of attendees a venue can comfortably fit and reducing that by 10 percent. “Of that total number, parents can then be allocated 20 to 30 percent of the guest list total, with the remainder being couple-invited guests,” she says. That way, parents are given a generous amount of invites that they can decided what to do with – when those run out, that’s it.

3.      Increasing the Emotional Overload

It goes without saying that planning a wedding can be stressful or bring out heightened emotions – and not just for the duo getting married. “Parents might project their own anxieties or unresolved issues onto the couple, leading to unnecessary stress,” says Whitmore. This includes calling more frequently, fretting about certain details, or even imposing feelings about other family members onto the to-be-weds.

Whitmore encourages couples to establish boundaries early – so parents, be prepared to hear and respect them. “Communicating these clearly to parents is crucial in setting expectations,” she says.

4.      Neglecting Your Child’s Partner’s Family’s Traditions

It’s common for parents to focus on their own wishes or the family traditions that mean a lot to them on a personal level leading up to the wedding, but if you have monovision with your own family’s rites and rituals, it’s easier to forget that there’s another group of people who also need to be factored into the plans: your child’s future in-laws and their extended clan. “Sometimes, parents may not consider the needs and traditions of the other partner’s family, which can create tension,” says Whitmore. Remember that there are typically two sets of parents (if not more) at a wedding, and it’s important for everyone to feel acknowledged and considered.

5.      Insisting on Certain Details

“There’s a lot of pressure around weddings, and family members will often share their opinions on what should or shouldn’t be done or included on the big day,” says Blasena. It’s easy for couples to get caught up in trying to please everyone and compromise on what they really want. Ultimately, it might really mean a lot to you to see your daughter or future daughter-in-law in your lace veil, but Blasena suggests acknowledging that she might include it in a different way – one that feels more genuine to her, such as wrapping it around her bouquet. At the end of the day, the wedding is about your child and his or her partner, and the details of the wedding should reflect their personal tastes and traditions.

6.      Lack of Communication

While some parents love to give opinions, others aren’t forthright enough. “Sometimes, they don’t ask questions or make inquiries. They take a backseat but do so begrudgingly, and that can cause a rift later on,” Swann says. Parents may become frustrated that couples aren’t asking about their desires or letting them do more, whether that be including certain traditions or guests. To avoid post-wedding resentment, Swann says the best thing parents can do is speak up. “By opening lines of communication now, you’re encouraging openness and the chance to give input,” she says.

7.      Bringing Up Money

Parents are typically the biggest financial contributors to their child’s wedding, but it can get tricky when one set of parents disproportionately pays for more and feels entitled to making more decisions, says Blasena. “Just because one party may be paying more doesn’t mean they have veto control over all ideas,” she explains. There’s certainly nothing wrong with helping out with costs of the wedding, but that doesn’t mean the day belongs to anyone other than the couple. “So that everyone feels involved and valued, let couples draw up a working budget and ask how much each family is willing to be involved,” says Blasena.

8.      Showing Up Late to Wedding-Related Events

There are so many moving parts leading up to the wedding, and timing is crucial so that everything is pulled off without a hitch, says Blasena: “When family members show up late to have their hair and makeup appointment or arrive late to the church, these can have consequences for the smooth workings of the wedding day.” While being late on the wedding day itself might feel like the most egregious mistake, your child will likely find it just as stressful if you aren’t prompt during the lead-up, as well, whether that’s for a wedding dress fitting, tasting appointment or bridal shower.

Blasena advises that the best way to combat lateness is with a well-organized schedule. And, if you’re prone to being late, give yourself an additional 15 to 30 minutes of wiggle room to account for things like traffic or even wardrobe malfunctions. The wedding day, rehearsals, and showers are so important to the bride and groom – and you want to be a relief from stress, not the cause.

9.      Sharing Embarrassing Stories or Details With Other Family Members

There are plenty of opportunities to celebrate the fact that your child has officially grown up during the wedding planning process, but that also leaves plenty of room for accidentally oversharing or divulging embarrassing stories from their youth. In their excitement (or after one too many drinks) parents may simply reveal things that they shouldn’t, no matter how cute or funny they might find it, says Swann. She says the best thing for couples to do is to have a conversation with parents beforehand if they suspect this might become an issue. Parents, if your child comes to you with these concerns, don’t get defensive – hear them out, dialogue about stories you’d love to share during key moments (like during a bridal shower speech, for example), and then stick to the plan.

10.  Drinking Too Much During Pre-Wedding Events

The Wedding planning journey is particularly celebratory – and because of this, alcohol is regularly part of each touchpoint in the process. As the parent of the bride or groom, however, it’s important to drink responsibly and appropriately at every pre-wedding party (and, of course, on the big day itself). “Inappropriate drunkenness happens even with the best intentions,” says Blasena. If you plan on having a few drinks at an engagement party or bridal shower (or during a nice dinner with your child’s future in-laws), make sure to eat and monitor your alcohol intake. “If you’re inclined to party hard, plan for it ahead of time,” adds Blasena, so you can enjoy your child’s wedding journey “without any memorable mistakes.”